Lunatic Mama

Hormones are fun.

Let me rephrase that...

Hormones and no sleep is fun!

I've been a tearful wreck.  I'm not depressed, just exhausted, and these whacky hormones make me cry over everything - the good and the bad.  I know other women know exactly what I am talking about, it just is and its frustrating because you feel stupid about your bout of tears after all is said and done, then you cry that you cried.

I knew baby would change my life and I was (am) ready for it.  I just had no idea.  I think it has felt more overwhelming because the five days I spent in the hospital were not at all filled with rest.  The doctor's and nurses would prescribe sleep, then constantly wake you.  So, it's been an entire month without a solid nights sleep for either Papa J or I, and I don't know if that will improve.

Everyone keeps telling me that now is "survival mode" and things will improve in a couple of weeks.  I am wondering how.  Will I finally get to slumber in the same bed at the same time as Papa J? Will I get to sleep at night like everyone else?  Or will I be forced to constantly sneak in cat naps here and there so I can breast feed the little one every two hours.

Just curious how this pans out...

Don't get me wrong, Hadley is worth every wink of sleep lost.  I just hope that those who are closest to me will be patient while I try to learn to be a normal human being with less sleep.

I'm just tired.

Dear Little One #11

Dear Hadley,

After many, many hours of labor due to induction two weeks early, you made your appearance.  Your daddy and I were exhausted as it had been many frustrating days of trying to delivery you, followed by two and a half hours of pushing, but there you came - all 20 inches and 6.25 pounds of you.  You are perfect!

You gave us a little scare, though it didn't end up being anything too serious.  You didn't cry ferociously enough to satisfy the doctors, so after a few minutes with us, they wisked you away to the nursery where you were carefully watched by the doctors and nurses.  We thought you would have to stay another day, but you came around and were discharged even before I was.  We were so happy to take you home with us and to get out of that hospital, where we spent near a week.

The first night home with you was interesting.  We didn't sleep a wink, wondering what each sound was that you made.  I think we were over exhausted and nervous new parents because the following nights got easier.  But once we were assured that you were in fact breathing and figured out our system, we have slowly started to recoup sleep.  

Grandma came for your birth as I was very frightened, and came back this week to help out and spend time with you.  I loved having her here, as you did.  We were both spoiled and it felt good to have mom's touch.  You seem to have matured so much in the days she was here, though the changes are subtle, you have become more alert and your routine is much more defined.  You will probably be so much more grown up the next time we see her.

I enjoy listening to your daddy with you.  He sings and dances while he changes your diaper, which is just ridiculously adorable.  He is absolutely in love with you and you are, by all means, daddy's little girl.  

Hadley, I never knew I could love someone the way I love you.  You love your family and your partner, but having a baby brings on  a very different kind of love that I just don't know how to explain. I hope someday you will experience this type of love and your daddy and I can enjoy watching you fall in love with the little people you create with the person of your dreams.

Hadley, thank you for coming into our lives.  I will never be able to express what you mean to me.  While you were a surprise, you brought something to me and your family that we all needed so.  It's been a tough year losing grandpa well before his time, but you offered a light for him and all of us and reset all of our compasses.  If, after we die, we go on to heaven or our spirits live on, I like to believe that he is looking down on us, giggling, crying and singing the Love's BBQ song.  He asked of you often before he passed away and loved you very much.  I will work very hard to make sure you know all about him and how much we all loved him.  I was, too, daddy's little girl.

I love you, Hadley.

Mom

Photo Shoot with Grandma

(Finger in the nose)

She sleeps like her daddy...

I dip my pinky finger in chocolate...

Quiets her every single time!

Baby Pics (OK, We're Crazy Parents)

She's Here!!!

Hadley was born at 6:52 a.m. 7/8/08. She was 6.25 pounds 20 inches. I think it's a good thing for Cam that she came early because she is one long baby. People say she looks like me which depending on your perspective is either a good or bad thing. She is our little angel though and we love her so much. I fed her her first bottle tonight and it was great to see her down it in less than a minute. She was one thirsty girl. She's been on the boob but the milk production may take another day or so. Cam is doing great. She has had a few visitors. Her feet are swelled and she is sore but no worse for the wear. She was induced for four days so that is a blessing. No tears though so there's that. With our track record Hadley may have a little sibling before too long. Is it weird that I find other baby's crying to be annoying but find Hadley's crying adorable? She can do no wrong by me. Thanks to everyone for their support. We made it. It wasn't how we envisioned it but I wouldn't change a thing. Bye for now.

Hadley's picture is on the bottom of the page!