Dear Little One #14

Dear Little One,

This week you are officially two months old.  You are a smiley, giggly, farty, wiggly thing at a wopping 11 pounds and 23 inches.  

It's been a rough couple of weeks because we moved to Las Vegas, and between the chaos of the move and just being a baby, you have had to adjust to your very own bedroom, different smells, textures and people.  On top of all this, you had to have your vaccinations yesterday, three shots in the legs.  You screamed like I've never heard before.  But you toughened up and got through it like a champ.  I am so proud of you.

Grandma and Anita just left after visiting for a couple of days and helping us settle in to our new residence.  It was very helpful to have them here and daddy and I actually had a date.  We haven't had one of those in over two months, so it was a fun outing.

You have made friends with the ceiling fans and airconditioning grates in this house.  Makes me laugh.  We've affectionately named the fans Windy, Fanny and Blade.  Every morning you coo and smile at the fans.  It's nice that they keep you entertained (even though I've dropped quite a bit of money on toys and gadgets to entertain you that you are not at all interested in).

You have taken to the bathtub.  So much so, you cry when I take you out.  You are going to be a fish.  Maybe the next Michael Phelps - but no pressure.  I asked the doctor when I can take you in the pool and we need to wait a few more months.  I am dying to take you in the pool with me.

You're pooping as I write this... it's a noisy one.  

I love you so much, Hadley.  I'm enjoying watching you grow and develop.  Every day there is something new and I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds.

Much love,

Mom

Dear Little One #13

Dear Little One, 

Today marks your sixth week with us.  I can't believe how much you have changed - every day something a little different or a new fascination.  I love that you are intrigued with the mini-blinds, the little bedside lamp on the bed and invisible things on the wall.  You seem to self entertain more and are curious about what is around you, which is wonderful to watch and is also giving us more time to multi-task. 

You also enjoy sitting up and working on holding your head up.  I am amazed at how strong you are at such a young age. Of course, our hands are right there to catch you when you get tired.  You are even baring weight on your little legs and we can see you muscles working.  

Right now you are sleeping in  a little wad next to me on the bed.  I love watching you sleep.  I love watching you cry, but I love watching you sleep more for obvious reasons.  You are so peaceful, the weight of the world has not yet jaded you.  Don't let it.  Life has its ups and downs, its rough times and great times.  Remember it is a rollercoaster and with every down, there will be an up.  Don't let those downs keep you down so you never recognize the ups, because there are so many more ups.

This has been a baby week!  Two little girls have been born to two of my friends.  I hope that you will all meet some day and have a play date.  I can't wait to see you interact with other children, but I know that is a little bit down the road, probably after you have gained control of your arms and legs.

Hadley, I love you so much!  You make me smile constantly (even when your daddy thinks I'm angry because of my scowl).

Much love,

Mom

Dear Little One #12

Dear Hadley,

This week you are five weeks old.  Its only been five weeks I know, but I just can't believe how quickly you have grown and developed - they weren't kidding when they said babies grow fast.  You are no longer our little 6lb bundle, you are now 9 1/2 lbs and near 22 inches long.  You are growing beautifully and the doctor's keep assuring your nervous mama that you are perfectly healthy (we've had two "nervous mommy" visits - this is why we spend the big bucks on insurance).

You are a breast feeding champ now!  So much so, its all you want to do.  You have set up a tent and camp on the boob.  Daddy is giving you a bottle of formula in the evenings so my body can catch up and take a break.  I'm happy you are an eating machine, but I do want you to be content and happy taking bottles from other people, so this is a good plan.

We are in the thick of the six week fussies, which isn't fun, especially at bed time.  Today I let you cry yourself to sleep while I got ready to go out.  It broke my heart, especially when you were still trying to catch your breath after your dropped off to sleep.  I know crying is good for you, but its such a tough thing to hear.  I'm sorry little one, but we will probably need to do this more often, but know that we are here and love you very very much.

You took a nap with me today after eating.  You have been able to roll onto your side for a long time, and I found you on your tummy sleeping peacefully when I woke up.  It seems like you are advancing at a rapid pace, which we are thrilled, but also worried that you might smother yourself.  Please be careful and wait to be on your tummy when daddy or I are with you.

We are moving away from San Francisco in a week to a house in Las Vegas.  I love it here and will miss our friends, but I know this move will be a healthy one financially.  It's only for two years, you probably wont even remember living there, and then we will go somewhere great with good schools for you.  There is a pool, which will be fun when you are a little bigger.  You have big feet like your mom's and we are convinced you will be a swimmer.

Hadley, I love you so much.  Even when I'm with you, I miss you.  

Much love,

Mom

Lunatic Mama

Hormones are fun.

Let me rephrase that...

Hormones and no sleep is fun!

I've been a tearful wreck.  I'm not depressed, just exhausted, and these whacky hormones make me cry over everything - the good and the bad.  I know other women know exactly what I am talking about, it just is and its frustrating because you feel stupid about your bout of tears after all is said and done, then you cry that you cried.

I knew baby would change my life and I was (am) ready for it.  I just had no idea.  I think it has felt more overwhelming because the five days I spent in the hospital were not at all filled with rest.  The doctor's and nurses would prescribe sleep, then constantly wake you.  So, it's been an entire month without a solid nights sleep for either Papa J or I, and I don't know if that will improve.

Everyone keeps telling me that now is "survival mode" and things will improve in a couple of weeks.  I am wondering how.  Will I finally get to slumber in the same bed at the same time as Papa J? Will I get to sleep at night like everyone else?  Or will I be forced to constantly sneak in cat naps here and there so I can breast feed the little one every two hours.

Just curious how this pans out...

Don't get me wrong, Hadley is worth every wink of sleep lost.  I just hope that those who are closest to me will be patient while I try to learn to be a normal human being with less sleep.

I'm just tired.

Dear Little One #11

Dear Hadley,

After many, many hours of labor due to induction two weeks early, you made your appearance.  Your daddy and I were exhausted as it had been many frustrating days of trying to delivery you, followed by two and a half hours of pushing, but there you came - all 20 inches and 6.25 pounds of you.  You are perfect!

You gave us a little scare, though it didn't end up being anything too serious.  You didn't cry ferociously enough to satisfy the doctors, so after a few minutes with us, they wisked you away to the nursery where you were carefully watched by the doctors and nurses.  We thought you would have to stay another day, but you came around and were discharged even before I was.  We were so happy to take you home with us and to get out of that hospital, where we spent near a week.

The first night home with you was interesting.  We didn't sleep a wink, wondering what each sound was that you made.  I think we were over exhausted and nervous new parents because the following nights got easier.  But once we were assured that you were in fact breathing and figured out our system, we have slowly started to recoup sleep.  

Grandma came for your birth as I was very frightened, and came back this week to help out and spend time with you.  I loved having her here, as you did.  We were both spoiled and it felt good to have mom's touch.  You seem to have matured so much in the days she was here, though the changes are subtle, you have become more alert and your routine is much more defined.  You will probably be so much more grown up the next time we see her.

I enjoy listening to your daddy with you.  He sings and dances while he changes your diaper, which is just ridiculously adorable.  He is absolutely in love with you and you are, by all means, daddy's little girl.  

Hadley, I never knew I could love someone the way I love you.  You love your family and your partner, but having a baby brings on  a very different kind of love that I just don't know how to explain. I hope someday you will experience this type of love and your daddy and I can enjoy watching you fall in love with the little people you create with the person of your dreams.

Hadley, thank you for coming into our lives.  I will never be able to express what you mean to me.  While you were a surprise, you brought something to me and your family that we all needed so.  It's been a tough year losing grandpa well before his time, but you offered a light for him and all of us and reset all of our compasses.  If, after we die, we go on to heaven or our spirits live on, I like to believe that he is looking down on us, giggling, crying and singing the Love's BBQ song.  He asked of you often before he passed away and loved you very much.  I will work very hard to make sure you know all about him and how much we all loved him.  I was, too, daddy's little girl.

I love you, Hadley.

Mom

Photo Shoot with Grandma

(Finger in the nose)

She sleeps like her daddy...

I dip my pinky finger in chocolate...

Quiets her every single time!

Scare

We had a little scare today...  well, maybe made a bigger deal out of it than it was.  I went in for a prenatal appointment and the midwife was concerned about my blood pressure.  Everything else looked fine, my blood pressure was elevated.  

"I'm sending you directly to the hospital."

I am certain my blood pressure sky rocketed at that point.  The hospital?

So off I went to the 15th floor L&D department at UCSF to see what was going on.  I was hustled to a tiny little room, told to disrobe and put this band around my belly that would serve to hold a fetal monitor.  They had me pee in a cup (again), drew some blood and took my blood pressure every 10 minutes, which ended up being considerably lower than what it was at the clinic.  

After testing everything and the baby and myself were deemed healthy, I was sent home with a bladder looking thing, a toilet pan and a basin to collect my pee for the next 24 hours.  I get to go back tomorrow to turn in my "chilled" (yes, must keep it cold) urine and to do another BP test.  

It was fun to spend an hour or so listening to Hadley's heart beat.  She even had some hiccups that I got to listen to, also.

Advice to moms-to-be...  If you are every faced with a similar issue, being sent to the hospital at 38 weeks is not as scary as it seems at first. Don't panic.  Worst case scenario, they would have had to induce and our little bundle would have been a Fourth of July baby!

Ravenous

I woke up this morning STARVING!  I'm three weeks away from our due date, so maybe this is the time to be hungry like I am.  But this morning was an exception to the norm...  

Papa J took me up the street to the Village for breakfast.  We tried a new (to us) place, where I consumed a chocolate croissant and a small breakfast burrito.  Since my tummy wasn't full, we walked down the street and shared a whole grain waffle with strawberries (which, mind you, I ate most of). 

Whoa!  Usually the burrito or croissant would have sufficed, but not today.  I'm now resting in bed from my eating extravaganza - I just hope it all stays down.

I'm blaming it on Hadley!  

Dear Little One #9

Dear Little One,

You are (roughly) four weeks away from making your appearance into, what it will seem, a big scary world.  The bassinet and stroller are assembled, the car seat is standing by, daddy and I (think) we know how to put a diaper on you, we have lots of clothes and, bottom line, lots of excitement and love to share with you.  I can't believe you will soon be cradled in my arms instead of in my belly.

We saw the midwife the other day and we are told that everything looks good.  She did an ultrasound, so we got a quick peak at you.  You showed us your face, but then quickly covered it up with your little hands.  We were a little disappointed to not see you more clearly, but the wonderful news is that you are in position to be born - head down!  In another week you will be full term, so you can come at anytime!  But please stay inside as long as you need (but I hope you will come in no more than four weeks - mommy and daddy are really anxious). 

I haven't been feeling well the last week.  Was plowed by a cold, but today I am actually starting to feel much better.  I know a lot of my "blahness" is pregnancy symptoms, but its all worth it.  I'm sorry if you have sensed that or are feeling my cold.  I've taken very little medication to help treat it, but had to resort to some safe meds in the last two days to help ease pain and stuffiness to allow me to sleep some.  

Today you are pushing your little bottom out. It rests some against the right side of my rib cage and while I feel you, it is not uncomfortable.  It's funny to watch you move about, though.  Right now my belly is lopsided, but I am sure later this evening you will be bending your knees and kicking your feet.  I think I could sit for hours watching you move below my skin.  Daddy likes to talk to you when you are moving about.  Sometimes, we can drum on my belly and you will kick back.  It may simply be a coincidence, but it's fun to think that you are responding to us.  

Your grandma gave your daddy a camcorder as a father's day gift, I think I will start taping your movements.  Might be a cool thing for you to see when you are older, or you might find it creepy.  You don't have to watch it, if you don't want to, but at least I was able to catch it on DVD.

Hadley, I love you and just can not wait for you to be here!  Keep growing strong, kicking me whenever you'd like so I know you are well.  We will see you very, very soon!

Much love,

Mom

Interesting Facts

True or false, I find these interesting...

* During pregnancy, a woman's uterus expands to five hundred times it's normal size.

* Some people drink the urine of pregnant women to build their immune system. (Ewww...)

* Babies born in May are, on average, 200 grams heavier than babies born in other months. 

* Up until about the fourth month, amniotic fluid is produced by the placenta.  After the fourth month, the babies kidneys start working and amniotic fluid is made by their waste.  (Our little ones are basically swimming in pee!)

* Whether your baby is a righty or a lefty is determined at approximately 10 weeks gestation.

100 Buzz Saws

Snoring... Apparently I've been a buzz saw lately and last night I was 100 buzz saws.  Papa J slept on the couch because of my noisy breathing system.  I feel so bad.  I don't want to be that couple - I am banking on this issue going away after I deliver Hadley when this blood flow that causes my sinus cavities decreases and my uterus isn't sitting on my diaphram.

So I poked around online about this issue in pregnant women and it seems it isn't that uncommon.  However, the Swedes did a study on snoring and pregnant women and came back with some alarming statistics: 

* Some baby's of snoring mom's APGAR score was below 7

* Some baby's of snoring mom's suffer from retardation

* Some baby's of snoring mom's are low birth rate

I realize this is a small percentage and there are many other factors involved (high blood pressure, preclampsia, obesity), but its enough to make you panic as a new mom-to-be.  

The internet can be evil sometimes.

In the mean time, I just spend some cash at the local pharmacy on Breathe Right strips and spray and will fire up the humidifier tonight.

So sorry Papa J.

Dear Little One #8

Dear Little One,

I just can't get over how strong you are.  I feel you moving about all the time and I now understand what it feels like to have your feet tangled in my rib cage.  You are growing so much now and I can hardly believe you will be here in a little over six weeks.  I am anxious for you to come, but make a good effort to stay put for a few more weeks, despite my anxiousness.

We just returned from a long trip away from daddy.  We met your grandma, uncle and great aunt in Grand Junction Colorado to work on cleaning out your grandpa's house, as well as scattering his ashes.  The trip was emotional and laborious, but very very successful.  

We put your grandpa to rest at the top of a hill that backs up to his home, known as the First Sister.  I wasn't sure how well you and I would trek up that hill (it was much larger than just a hill), but we were successful in our hike (we actually beat everyone to the top).  The scattering was perfect.  A handful of his closest friends and family.  We each took handfuls of his ashes and threw them into the wind.  As we watched it swirl into the atmosphere, you could almost see his face.  It's just how he would have wanted it.  I miss him so much.  I wish he were here to experience your development and meet you in a few short weeks.

After we finished up in Grand Junction, we all drove to his home in Las Vegas to drop a few things off and rest for the night.  We will be moving here soon and I had fun looking at what will be your new bedroom.  There is a lot of space for the three of us, and even room for visitors.  There is also a pool and a big grassy yard for you to play.

The next morning, we came back to Southern California for our baby shower.  It was a lovely event at Tree's house.  The day was beautiful, the company was awesome and we received so many wonderful things to help us get ready for your arrival.  I can't believe how many things you will require.

Daddy started reading to you last night.  We don't know how much you will absorb (we might be overly excited to start doing this), but we think it is important to start now.  We are having fun picking out books for you and we hope you will enjoy them as much as we do.

Hadley, keep on kicking me and showing me that you are there.  I am so excited for you to arrive, but you much stay inside for a little while longer.  We are in the home stretch here (and I am literally stretching by the day), before we know it we will be in the Maternity department of UCSF hours from your arrival.  Till then, be warm and safe.

I love you.

Mom

Baby Shower

I experienced my first baby shower that I was not the planner nor a guest.  It was perfect.  Beautifully laid out in my childhood friend's back yard.  Sprays of light pinks and browns - just the way I am leaning toward decor for our little one.  The weather was perfect - sunny, not too hot, but warm enough to be outside in a tank top and skirt.  The company was lovely and the gifts were generous.  Thank you to all!

Bellybuttons...

...This is kind of a gross thing to me.  

My bellybutton weirds me out - I don't like touching it or having someone else touch it.  I watch it everyday as it creeps closer to the surface as my belly expands.  It's getting close to popping out and I may come unglued when that happens.  You see, I had a reoccurring nightmare for a long time that my bellybutton came undone (well, untied - I always thought they tied them, but I stand corrected) and all my insides became exposed.  So you can imagine my unease...

Papa J and I attended a newborn care class last week.  This was more for my benefit since I don't have much experience with newborns (I was pleased to realize that all the Cabbage Patch Kid diapers I changed as a kid paid off - just like riding a bike!).  

A large topic was how to care for a healing belly button... What it will smell like.  When to seek help. How to wash baby with a healing belly button.  I realize there are many other things that can be considered "gross" with a newborn (e.g. tar like poop, then the mustard colored, seedy poop that is considered normal), but this is the thing that creeps me out the most.  

My mind immediately went to an episode of "Sex and the City" when Miranda's baby boy, Brady, bellybutton falls off and the cat starts playing with the black stump - YUCK! I don't know what I'd do... wait for Papa J to get home for sure (although, it weirds him out just as much), but I might be inclined to call the pound or exterminator to come take care of it for me.  Well, that's a little extreme (though I might tick off a list in my head of places to call first) and I would  handle it myself (while gagging, I'm sure).  

I know, I know...  much bigger things to concern myself with, so I will attempt to put it out of mind (at least until my bellybutton pops out).

Dear Little One #6

Dear Little One,

Today you and I visited the midwife to check on your progress and things couldn't be better.  You are growing at a perfect rate, sitting in my belly properly, your heart is beating nice and strong and your effects on my body are just as they should.  Every time we visit the midwife she is able to find your little heartbeat a little quicker than the last time, which puts my nerves at ease.

I have been seeing a midwife nurse who reports to a doctor since, at this point, the pregnancy is as low risk as it gets.  I really like the midwife - very down to earth and calming.  She puts any concerns I have at ease, which is wonderful with a first time worrier mom like me.  I hope she will be available to deliver you into the world in July as I think she will be a nice face for you to see upon your entry to the outside world.

We received your stroller yesterday.  I was so excited that I insisted on assembling it, even though you are not due for another three months.  Your crib arrives on Monday and we can start assembling your new bedroom soon.  I am very excited (and I think your dad is too).  All of these things makes your pending arrival more real.

Daddy and I just returned from a trip to Oahu's North Shore.  We spent a week swimming, playing on the beach, kayaking, snorkling and hiking together.  It was such a wonderful, relaxing trip for both of us.  We enjoyed watching you kick (I think you loved the beach and ocean as much as we did) and talking about what we will do when we bring you back to Oahu once you are big enough to enjoy it.  I am so looking forward to that trip and seeing  it through the eyes of a little person.

Hadley, I think about you every moment of every day.  While it is still so unreal, I can not wait until you get here.  So many people are excited about your arrival, but no one is more excited than your daddy and I.  Keep on growing nice and strong and kick me all you want because it makes me feel good to know you are OK.

I love you.

Mom

Dear Little One #4

Dear Little One,

Today you are officially 25 full in-utero weeks old.  I can't believe you will be here in the next 14 weeks.  Daddy and I have started getting ready for you - arranging our apartment to create a nursery, washing your new little clothes that you will grow out of far too quickly, touring the hospital, enrolling in classes etc.  14 weeks seems like such a long time, but there is a lot to do before then.  Your Grandma and Grandpa G sent a puzzle stool with your name on it, that we couldn't resist assembling and putting in the "Hadley" area (it's so cute, I can just imagine you sitting on it with your little pig-tales, reading a book).

I feel you swimming around my belly everyday.  You seem to get the hiccups often, which, according to "What to Expect, When You're Expecting," is not uncomfortable for you, very normal and we do enjoy the entertainment.  Sometimes I think that you must have a twin in there or you are stretched out completely, tickling both sides of my tummy.  The doctor tells us there is just you, and we are so excited.

It's amazing how you can feel love for something so immediately. I've been in love with you since the moment I learned about you.  Everyday that love grows more and more as my belly expands more and more (and it is expanding, as it should).

Hadley, I am counting the days, hours, minutes and seconds until your arrival.  While I am frightened of the delivery process, I can't wait to be admitted to that hospital, hooked up to all of those monitors and know that your arrival is very close. I can't wait to meet you, to hold you in my arms, to see your daddy hold you (he is jealous that I get to carry you inside of me and feel you all day) and to introduce you to the rest of your family and our friends who have been anxiously awaiting your arrival.  Keep on growing strong and healthy, giving me some good left hooks in the rib cage from time to time so I know you are there.

Much love,

Mom

Other things they don't tell you about being pregnant...

11. Foot growth!  I'm a tall girl already, therefore I already have big feet.  They've now expanded a whole size, to the degree I had to buy new shoes.  I hear they might not go back down :(  

12.  Severe exhaustion:  I just returned from a pleasure trip to New York City and I've never been so exhausted.  I have visited several times and I feel that this time I did half of what I normally do, but my feet and body were beyond done.

13. Perineal massage: Just received the third trimester packet and this little exercise frightens me (but will probably benefit me in the big picture).

14. On the plus side: An express ticket to any bathroom!  Like I said, I was just in New York and was able to visit the ladies room at The Plaza Hotel and at the Met (without paying).

10 Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

1. You are actually pregnant for ten months, not nine! On that same note, they actually consider you pregnant before you actually conceived.

Papa's take: Wednesday marked 5 months since our first date. Doctor says we are 5 1/2 months pregnant. Do the math!!

2. No soft cheese! I already knew about no raw fish, caffeine or alcohol, but no soft cheese?

3. Bladder leakage. This is a fun thing I have recently learned about after a sneeze in a public place.

Papa's take: Ask Mama about the gym! Just ask!

4. The appetite of a five year old. I figured I'd have some nausea, maybe some up-chuck, but I didn't think I'd become finicky. Up until the last couple of weeks, my diet consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cheese pizza, apples, mint chip ice cream, crackers and Fruity Pebbles.

5. Massive boobs. I figured they'd grow a bit, but from a B to a D! Whoa! And they are supposed to get bigger once the baby comes?

Papa's take: Daddy likes:)

6. Quick gag reflex. It doesn't take much these days to make me gag. Just telling me a somewhat gross story will get me started with the dry heaves (and on a couple of occasions, has sent me running to the bathroom!)

Papa's take: Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't go there!

7. Gas. I can no longer claim that I don't ever fart. Guess what everyone, I do!

Papa's take: It took 5 months but Mama let one slip in my presence...classic!

8. Occasional shortness of breath. Some days I can do 30 minutes on the elliptical machine no problem, others, I can barely climb the one flight of stairs to our apartment.

9. Acid Reflux. Nuf' said.

10. Snoring. I don't think I've ever snored before, but apparently now I'm a chain saw (this weeks sound is that of a choo choo train).

Papa's take: Seriously...it is making me consider ear plugs.